Parties
Flirting
is most socially acceptable at parties, celebrations and social
occasions/functions. At some such events (e.g. Christmas/New Year parties) a
degree of flirtatious behaviour is not only socially sanctioned, but almost expected.
This
is because most parties, celebrations, carnivals and festivals are governed by
a special code of behaviour which anthropologists call ‘cultural remission’ – a
temporary, structured relaxation of normal social controls and restrictions.
This
might just sound like a fancy way of saying ‘letting your hair down’, but it
isn’t. ‘Cultural remission’ does not mean abandoning all your inhibitions,
letting rip and behaving exactly as you please. There are rules of behaviour at
even the wildest carnival – although they may involve a complete reversal of
normal, everyday social etiquette. Flirtatious behaviour which is normally
frowned upon may be actively required, and prissy refusal to participate may
incur disapproval.
Drinking-places
Flirting
is also socially acceptable in some public settings, usually where alcohol is
served – such as bars, pubs, night-clubs, discos, wine bars, restaurants, etc.
One survey showed that 27% of British couples first met their current partner
in a pub, and alcohol was voted the most effective aid to flirting by
respondents in the Martini Flirting Survey.
Flirting
in drinking-places is, however, subject to more conditions and restrictions
than at parties. In pubs, for example, the area around the bar counter is
universally understood to be the ‘public zone’, where initiating conversation
with a stranger is acceptable, whereas sitting at a table usually indicates a
greater desire for privacy. Tables furthest from the bar counter are the most
‘private’ zones.
As
a rule-of-thumb, the more food-oriented establishments or ‘zones’ tend to
discourage flirting between strangers, while those dedicated to drinking or
dancing offer more socially sanctioned flirting opportunities. Restaurants and
food-oriented or ‘private’ zones within drinking-places are more conducive to
flirting between established partners.
Learning-places
Schools,
colleges, universities and other educational establishments are hot-beds of
flirting. This is largely because they are full of young single people making
their first attempts at mate selection.
Learning-places
are also particularly conducive to flirting because the shared lifestyle and
concerns of students, and the informal atmosphere, make it easy for them to
initiate conversation with each other. Simply by being students, flirting
partners automatically have a great deal in common, and do not need to struggle
to find topics of mutual interest.
Flirting
is officially somewhat more restricted in learning-places than in
drinking-places, as education is supposed to take priority over purely social
concerns, but in many cases the difference is not very noticeable. Taking a
course or evening class may in fact provide more opportunities for relaxed,
enjoyable flirting than frequenting bars and night-clubs.
Workplace
At
work, flirting is usually acceptable only in certain areas, with certain people
and at specific times or occasions. There are no universal laws: each workplace
or working environment has its own unwritten etiquette governing flirtatious behaviour.
In
some companies, the coffee machine or cafeteria may be the unofficial
‘designated flirting zones’, other companies may frown on any flirting during
office hours, or between managers and staff, while some may have a
long-standing tradition of jokingly flirtatious morning greetings.
Careful
observation of colleagues is the best way to discover the unspoken flirting
etiquette of your own workplace – but make sure that you are guided by the
behaviour of the most highly regarded individuals in the company, not the
office ‘clown’, ‘groper’ or ‘bimbo’.
Participant sports/hobbies
Almost
any participant sport or hobby can involve flirting. The level of flirtatious
behaviour, however, often tends to be inversely related to the standards
achieved by participants and their enthusiasm for the activity.
You
will generally find a lot of flirting among incompetent tennis players, unfit
swimmers, cackhanded potters, etc., but somewhat less among more proficient,
serious, competitive participants in the same activities. There are of course
exceptions to this rule, but before joining a team or club, it is worth trying
to find out if the members have burning ambitions to play in the national
championships or win prestigious awards for their handiwork. If you are mainly
looking for flirting opportunities, avoid these high-flying groups, and seek
out clubs full of happy, sociable under-achievers.
Spectator events
Although
they have the advantage of providing conversation topics of mutual interest,
most sporting events and other spectator pastimes such as theatre or cinema are
not particularly conducive to flirting, as social interaction is not
the primary purpose of the occasion, and social contact may limited to a short
interval or require ‘missing the action’.
The most striking
exception to this rule is horseracing,
where all the ‘action’ takes place in just a few minutes, the half-hour
interval between races is dedicated to sociability, and friendly interaction
between strangers is actively encouraged by racecourse etiquette. In fact, our
own recent research on the behaviour of racegoers indicates that the ‘social
micro-climate’ of the racecourse makes
it one of the best flirting environments in Britain.